


Would Always

by starwarned



Series: Carry On Countdown 2020 [3]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: COC 2020, Carry On Countdown (Simon Snow), Carry On Countdown 2020, Carry On Countdown Day 3, CoC, DAY 3 - Retellings, Intimacy, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex, Trauma, retellings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:48:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27406060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starwarned/pseuds/starwarned
Summary: Carry On Countdown Day 3 - Retellings“I can promise you that I could be sent back to live this year a hundred times, and I would always choose you. I would always. Choose. You.” - Andrea LochenSimon and Baz deal with Simon's trauma. (Because what else do I write about?)
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch & Simon Snow, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Series: Carry On Countdown 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2026942
Comments: 8
Kudos: 55
Collections: Carry On Countdown 2020





	Would Always

**Author's Note:**

> this isn't hella explicit but I'd rather be safe than sorry

“Is this alright?” Baz asks. 

Simon nods. He presses back into Baz and kisses him. 

Baz places his hand on Simon’s thigh where he’s already been pre-approved to place it from the day before. 

According to Simon’s therapist, Simon’s problems with intimacy stem from a lot of places, but largely from inconsistency and uncertainty in Simon’s life, especially in regards to romantic and sexual attraction and how he views his own sexuality. Her solution was to have Simon start out in the same place every night - set a schedule of where and how they start - and then progress just a bit whenever Simon’s ready. 

Simon had only started to implement said building up of intimacy when Baz practically interrogated him about therapy. They’d started two weeks ago. 

They kiss on the couch. It started with just sitting next to each other, then progressed to holding hands, and finally to kissing. Kissing is good for Simon - he knows how to do it and it rarely causes his brain to malfunction. 

The smallest adjustments were made after that - Baz could put his hands on Simon’s hair, Simon would kiss Baz’s neck, Baz placed his hand on Simon’s thigh, etc. 

Now they’re here, and Baz isn’t sure where to go. 

He’s kissing Simon leisurely, softly rubbing his thumb over Simon’s thigh and sucking at his bottom lip. 

Simon’s, so far, comfortable. He’s got his hands resting on Baz’s shoulders and when Baz bites at his lip, Simon’s hands slide down to grip onto the front of Baz’s shirt. He’s trying not to think about what to do next. Because he knows what he wants to do and he’s afraid he’ll go too far. 

“Love,” Baz breathes when Simon pulls away from his mouth to kiss his cheek and jaw. 

Simon hums, continuing to kiss along Baz’s neck. 

“Snow-” 

“Shut up, Baz,” Simon says before starting to suck gently at Baz’s neck, running his teeth over the skin and pulling back to admire the mark he’s left. He flicks his eyes up to Baz, whose eyes are shut in pleasure. Before Baz can start pestering him more, Simon does what he’s been wanting to for days now and clambers onto Baz’s lap. 

They’re on the couch so there’s just enough room for Simon to sit on Baz and still have his knees pressed into the cushions on either side of Baz’s legs. Baz’s eyes shoot open when Simon settles onto him. 

“Are you-?” Baz starts. 

Simon kisses him. He’s a little jittery, but he’s not sure if that’s from this being too much or from overwhelming amounts of lust for his vampire boyfriend. “Next step, Baz,” he says. “This is next.” 

\-- 

They follow the same pattern the next afternoon. Penelope and Shep are out so Simon takes advantage of the situation and motions to the couch. 

They sit next to each other, they hold hands, they kiss. Baz puts his hands in Simon’s hair, Simon kisses Baz’s neck, Baz puts his hand on Simon’s thigh, Simon kisses Baz again and then climbs into his lap. 

Sitting on top of Baz is still new and exciting so Simon isn’t even considering where they’re going next as he happily kisses Baz, reveling in having his tongue in his mouth and his silky hair in his hands. 

Baz moans quietly when Simon tugs on his hair. 

The sound travels through Simon’s body and he instinctively presses his hips into Baz’s. He then freezes at the feeling of Baz hard against him. 

Baz let’s go of Simon’s hips and pulls away from the kiss. “Sorry,” he immediately says. “You’re just- this is very-” he cuts himself off, taking a deep breath. Baz is rarely flustered. 

“It’s alright,” Simon says softly. He moves his hands from Baz’s hair to his shoulders. “I just-” he stops himself, blushing. “Didn’t think you would be.” 

Baz frowns and then laughs a bit. “You take one look at me and I’m turned on, Snow.” 

Simon blushes deeply, looking at his lap. (Well, that ends up being too close to Baz’s lap, and he can’t face that reality right now so he stares down at the arm of the couch instead.) “I-” Simon starts. “Sorry,” he says. 

“There’s nothing to apologize for, darling,” Baz insists, carefully running his fingers over Simon’s jaw. “I’ll just wank later.” 

Simon splutters. “What the fuck, Baz?” 

“What?” Baz asks genuinely. “You think I don’t?” 

“I hadn’t really given it much thought!” 

“Every night, Simon,” Baz says. “You send me home and I spend long hours alone with-” 

Simon kisses Baz to shut him up (a favorite pastime of his). 

\-- 

It’s been a month since they started. 

They’ve moved to the bed now. 

Simon’s therapist gave Simon permission to skip the first couple of steps if he feels up to it, so typically, Simon tackles Baz to the bed and goes right to sitting in his lap. 

They kiss, Baz puts his hands up under Simon’s shirt (if he’s wearing one that day) and feels up where his wings connect to his back, Simon unbuttons Baz’s shirt and leaves kisses along his chest. Simon will eventually be unable to stop himself and will start to grind his hips down onto Baz and Baz has no complaints. Simon doesn’t freak out or pull back, but he does insist they stop before either of them finish. He hasn’t been ready for that yet.

Simon’s fairly sure he’s ready for it today. 

He and Baz spent the whole day out in public today, holding hands and laughing like regular boyfriends. And Baz had, on multiple occasions, tugged Simon into a corner to whisper something unimportant into Simon’s ear and nip just barely at the shell of it before disappearing. 

Simon’s been hard for hours, it feels like. 

When Penelope has gone to bed, Simon grips Baz’s hand and drags him into his bedroom, immediately shutting the door behind them and staring Baz down. 

“Need something, Snow?” Baz asks, teasingly. His teeth flash at Simon in a bright smile. 

“You are a nuisance,” Simon says before stepping towards Baz and pushing him back toward the bed. 

Baz goes happily. He allows Simon to climb into his lap, to lick into his mouth, to tug on his hair and pull vaguely embarrassing moans out of him. 

When Simon starts to roll his hips down into his, Baz’s head falls back and he groans quietly. “ _ Fuck _ ,” he mumbles, gripping onto Simon’s hips tightly.

Simon grins and doubles his efforts, pressing into Baz harder and faster. 

They’ve done this before. They’re both comfortable here. 

“Simon, I-” Baz cuts himself off with a whine of pleasure. 

Simon hums from where he’s got his face pressed into Baz’s neck. He’s absentmindedly sucking at the skin, but most of his attention is focused on grinding in time with Baz. 

Baz’s hips twitch forward. “If you want to- stop,” he breathes out. “Now is the time.” 

Simon slows the motion of his hips to a gentle roll and breathlessly pulls away from Baz’s neck. He looks at him and bites his lip. “I don’t want to stop,” he says seriously. 

Baz raises his eyebrows. “You’re sure?” 

“Yes.” 

Baz nods and then pulls Simon down into a soft kiss. 

Simon resumes his previous pace and within minutes, they’re panting into each other’s mouths and finishing, Baz only moments behind Simon. 

They recoup and repeat the next night. And the next. And the night after that, Baz takes his shirt off. The night after that, Baz makes Simon come with his hand. And Simon returns the favor the next day. 

**Author's Note:**

> hi it's me, still sick asf in bed :( was gonna go visit my family this weekend for thanksgiving but I can barely get out of bed lmao


End file.
